Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
