i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
How naked do you want me to be?
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