Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
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