Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
