We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
