You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
