1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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