I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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