Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
