He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
