Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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