Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize