sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
