Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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