It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
