Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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