U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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