Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
