When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
