Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
