Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
