She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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