I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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