and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
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Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
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His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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