Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
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He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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