I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
