I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just found a bag of teeth...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
