please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
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I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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