If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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