At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
pray to the hookup gods
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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