just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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