Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
