Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
