Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
