So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
