I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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