yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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