I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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