I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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