my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
