The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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