that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
