ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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