I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
