id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
