Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
