I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
