you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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