I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
