can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
