I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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