the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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