I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
