Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
