I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
