I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Randomize
