my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
