No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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