oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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