Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
