hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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