I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
my being single is dangerous.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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