it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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