it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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