OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
