Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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