My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
