You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
