He asked me if I "almost moaned"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
