so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
