dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
