whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
