god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
