Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
