Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
