if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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