sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
