you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
