and you said cock pushups were impossible
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
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She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
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Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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