shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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