Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
