I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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